Sink or Swim

A short post from me today, but that's better than no post, which is what I've been managing lately. Apologies for my general absence!

I tend to find that there are times when I am, as a writer, either sinking or swimming. By that I don't mean the actual writing itself, but rather the ability to think, to focus, to concentrate, to create. To immerse myself in another world and put myself inside somebody else's head. Most of the time, given a little work, I can do that. Even if I'm in a dry spell, or just lacking time, I can get back to it if I put in the effort.

But there are other times, fortunately much more rare, where no amount of extra effort is going to help me. They're the times when life is being too much of a bitch to give me the mental space I need- the times where I'm so focussed on getting through each day that there's no chance of me being able to step outside my own troubles and create more for my fictional characters.

I'm in one of those phases now, caught up in the last few weeks of stress and anxiety before my second baby is due. I'm too busy putting all my energy into that to even contemplate writing. We have high risk monitoring going on, and plenty of other drama to take up our time. And as ever when you already have something to worry about, life seems intent on throwing down extra obstacles and dramas, until the day-to-day becomes something a lot more intense, draining and scary than it otherwise would be.

But more than any other dry spell, these phases always remind me that as writers we can pull purpose from the hard times. We can take a step back and let life carry on as it will, knowing that this too shall pass, and a few months down the line we'll be better able to process it all and spin it into a greater depth of human understanding through our words.

As a result, one day, our work might end up being the thing someone else reads when they're at lowest ebb; the thing that makes them understand something about themselves to help them get by. We might change someone's perspective- in a sense, we might change their life- because (not in spite) of the fact that we as writers have been through the wringer and back.

In a weird way, I think there's benefit in giving up the struggle and letting yourself sink now and then. When you hit the bottom, you can push up, and when you break the surface again, if you've taken the time to observe the journey down and back without simply fighting it all the way, you'll have something of consequence to describe.

Lazy Linkage

Have you ever been in one of those writing slumps, the kind where you know you are being a big fat downer of a rain cloud, not a lot of fun to be around, and want to kick your own self in the behind, because even you find yourself annoying?

Yeah, well, that’s me. Frustrated that I’m not writing, not being able to summons the enthusiasm to do so, and being an all round pain in the ass about it to all concerned.

So, rather than abusing my blogging privileges and taking my angst out on you undeserving readers, I’m buttoning my lip on my whining and giving you some food for thought in the form of a blog round up, from others in better frames of mind …

At Murder She Writes, Roxanne St Claire blogs about good writing days, bad writing days, and taking the path of least saneness when faced with a writing road block.

Alison Janssen at Hey There's A Dead Guy In The Living Room discusses the perils of letting your concept overwhelm your characters.

Being a writer in the middle of the maelstrom of life is food for thought from Nichole Bernier at Pimp My Novel.

And, on lighter notes, Writer Unboxed gives us the four stages of writing by Debbi Ohi (oh boy, do I relate to this!), and via Pimp My Novel, the quiz you CANNOT afford not to take ...

That's all, folks. Hoping to be back in a better frame of mind next week!

The Last Hurrah

So, I've been totally floundering on the revisions front. It's been a VERY long dry spell… longer than I really care to admit. And well, honestly I was beginning to worry that it would go on For-Ever.

Well, for better or for worse, I dusted off FAKING IT this last week and have dug in for what I'm calling The Last Hurrah. In the words of a good friend, it's time to finish this Bitch. (g)

The title is really more tongue and cheek than anything. I realized (for about the billionth time) that my filing system for revisions of this MS are an ever loving NIGHTMARE. I have so many versions of this and that scene…all saved on numerous USB keys, various folders…all over the dang place. I decided I HAVE to get them in order and will now be saving all of the correct versions in my Last Hurrah folder*. Just to help get it straight. (*I've got so many FINAL folders it's ridunkulous. The Last Hurrah had a go get 'em feel and also stands out amongst the other folders.) I'm in no way saying I have X number of days to finish this thing or else, so no panicking. I'm panicking enough for all of us. J

So yes…FI is back on the table. I've read through about half of it, no notes…no serious revision plans at this point. I'm just trying to get a feel for her again… I haven't even read my "outline" as I don't want to go into this with an "I have to do it this way because that was the plan" attitude. Nope, I'm just feeling her out, and seeing where she takes me.

That said, I haven't written a single word yet. In all honesty, I'm Scared To Death to write. Scared like I've never been scared before. I liken it to stage fright only much, much worse. What if I can't do it?? What if I can't write funny anymore?? What if I can't get back inside Madison's head?? And don't get me started on the guys… heck, they were hard enough for me before. What if I can't find their voices again??

What if…what if…what if?!?!?!?!

Oh how these worries—and more—have been plaguing me. But as people keep reminding me, I need to forget all of this shit and just jump back in. I'll never know if I've "still got it" if I don't let "it" out to play. If only it were that easy!

That said, I'm trying to go at this with less of a fatalistic…this is my one chance to get it right or else…mind frame. I want to have fun with my writing again and that's what I'm setting out to do. I'm going to forget all about awaiting (I hope) agents and what I THINK they'll like or not like… I'm not going to (or at least try not to) focus on the finish line. I'm going to put one word in front of another and worry about all that other bullshit when it's finished. And you know I'll worry enough for ten lifetimes when I DO get to that point. J

So…a new attitude…and a new soundtrack! LOL. I was going through my "playlist" for FAKING IT and realized something. Holy Bejesus. Most of the songs I chose focus on the low points of the book – when Madison's morale is lower than low…when she's doubting herself and everyone around her…when she thinks there's no hope. WTF. I mean, really?? That isn't the person Madison is…and though there are some low patches in this book, I need to listen to music that expresses her better. A bit of sass…a bit of snark…and dammit, a whole helluvalotta fun. Tell me this doesn't say a whole heck of a lot about Madison and Gabe…or Maddy and Drew, for that matter.

MY LIFE WOULD SUCK WITHOUT YOU by Kelly Clarkson

Or how about HANDSHAKE by Tristan Prettyman.



Listen to her, people. She's fantastic. And damn if that doesn't put me in a good mood. J

Okay, I promised Deniz a snippet of FAKING IT. I am still looking for one, and will put one up if/when I find one.

For now, happy writing…and please send all positive writing vibes my way. Jen needs to find her mojo again. J

 

Dry

Mondays are getting away from me lately. Correction, envision me hog tied and helpless on the ground as two children destroy the house. Yeah, that’s about the long and short of it.

Anyhoo…

Going dry. Specifically, going creatively dry. It happens to every writer at some point or another. Stress, life, whathaveyou sneaks up on you and wham, you can’t write a thing. Lately, I’ve been dry. That is to say, ideas swirl about in my head and yet when I sit down to write… nothing. Now, that could have something to do with the scenario mentioned above. It isn’t easy to write anything when you’ve got the kids home for summer vacation.

But it is more than that.

Because I DO get time for myself.

No doubt about it, I’m in a dry spell. Which is okay. I’ve had them. I’ve come back from them. But what to do when one is IN them?

Friends. Whine in their ear. g

Rachel was kind enough to point out that stress plays a major part with being creatively blocked. Oh, how right she is. I’ve been running on empty for a while. Creativity needs fuel. Not just the mental kind. We need to get out in the world, get exercise.

Getting out in the world always helps because truth is always stranger than fiction. There is endless fodder out there. It is up to you to soak it in. You can’t do that if you stuck in your house.

Exercise is important as well. A sluggish body leads to a sluggish mind. When I was pregnant with my fist child I didn’t write a thing. Between total fatigue and daily vomiting, I just wasn’t up for it. And at first, it really bothered me. I beat myself up for those endless months of not writing a thing. Until I let it go. We can’t be all things. My priority at that time had changed. I had a baby on the way. There was nothing wrong with changing my focus for a time.

Feed back.

Claire and I had a discussion about feedback this weekend. It occurred to me that feedback is essential. A writer works in isolation. We put countless hours in to creating worlds and then what? If we don’t get any feedback, we never know how our work affects people. This is slightly different than crits. Critiquing is essential. But simply having someone read your work, hearing what works and what doesn’t is a good way to keep you motivated. To fuel that creative well.

For me, this dry spell is annoying, but I’m not worried. Dry spells can be a good thing. Because once back in the saddle, you usually do amazing work. Heck, the last time I ended a dry spell a wrote 180 thousand words in five months. And loved every minute of it. I came back revitalized.

If you find yourself in a dry spell, don’t sweat it. Nothing makes that spell go on longer than stressing over it. Get out there, get some exercise, make contact with your writing partners. It’ll be okay.

I Got Nothing

So here I am, ready to do my blog post. Ah, what to blog about?

I throw my penny into the well of inspiration and hear…clink! Empty. (You can’t see this, but my cursor is blinking at me. Blinking. Come on, Kristen! I’m wai-ting…blink. Blink. Blink.)

It happens. Some may be more prolific than others, but all writers at some point or another find that their well has run dry. And what to do when it happens?

There is a theory (no, I don’t have the energy today to look up its origins, sorry) … a theory that says that by adapting to an hourly schedule, creating standardized time, we as a race severely quashed our creative energies. True? Debatable.

But the premise is this: creativity does not run on a clock. Nor is it constant. It ebbs and flows; ergo there are surges and dry spells. We, as creative beings, are not machines. Creativity is an organic thing. To try and tame it, force it to adhere to our industrialized schedule, is going against the tide. Of course, we as a human race just love that challenge and often try to bend nature as we like.

But what does it mean? Well, that there will be days like today when I won’t be at 100 per cent. Maybe not even 20 per cent. Yet the guilt that comes with that, the feeling of failure is brutal. Never mind that there are spells were I can churn out an average of 10,000 words a day for months on end. Here, on this day, when this stupid blinking cursor is yelling at me, is my shame.

An excellent piece of advice is to write every day. Regardless. You are a writer, so write. But what if I don’t want to? What if I only write once every two months? Am I not a writer? (This is the madness that goes on in my head –aren’t you happy to be here? (g) )

And just exactly what is it that makes one a writer anyway? [Work with me here, I tend to philosophize when dry]

When that inevitable small-talk question arises, “What do you do?” At what point do you find yourself able to say, with your head held high, “I am a writer.” ??

Is it when you’ve completed a book? I can’t imagine so. Some of the best writers I know haven’t yet finished their books. Conversely, some of the worst writing I’ve read has been in published books…

Is it when you have an agent? Published? Published multiple times?

I suspect this answer will be different for all of us. It’s too tied into our own insecurities. But I have to believe that there is a moment for all of us when a switch flicks in our soul, when we feel, know with complete confidence: yes! I am a writer.

And perhaps that is the point. Perhaps being a writer isn’t simply about the act itself, but the declaration as well. I think, therefore I am. Well, I am.

What about you? Have you reached that moment of knowing? And if so, what did it for you? Do you feel guilt about your dry days? Must you write every day to feel valid? Has my crazy-ass post confused you enough that you’ve missed that I’ve written about essentially nothing?

Please, talk amongst yourselves, I’ll be having some coffee.*



*Edited to add that as we do live in a schedulized world, I say we make the best of it. Writing every day with out fail is definitely one of the best ways to combat the dreaded dry spells. I'm just sayin' is all...